Self help topic

Wellbeing and self-care

Getting help to express your feelings, boost your self-esteem and develop assertiveness can help you make positive changes to your behaviour.

Getting help to express your feelings, boost your self-esteem and develop assertiveness can help you make positive changes to your behaviour. These sections will help you learn healthy ways to communicate, express yourself and challenge negative self-talk to improve your self-esteem. With support and practice, you can lead a more fulfilling and empowered life.

Our ultimate goal is for people to manage their thoughts and behaviours that might be harmful. In order to do this, we know that people need to be in the right frame of mind. If you’re feeling overwhelmed and have poor mental health, then it’s incredibly difficult to make the changes you need to do. Getting help to express your feelings, boost your self-esteem and develop assertiveness can help you make positive changes to your behaviour. These sections will help you learn healthy ways to communicate, express yourself and challenge negative self-talk to improve your self-esteem. With support and practice, you can lead a more fulfilling and empowered life.

Our completely anonymous and free of charge self-help resources to help you explore, understand and address your sexual thoughts and behaviours towards children.

Self-care

This module aims to help you focus on looking after yourself so that you are able to undertake any changes needed to address your thoughts and behaviour.

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    What is self-care?
    Self-care means being mindful of our own needs to improve our own physical, mental and emotional health.

    Wellbeing assessment
    If we are looking after our bodies, we will be able to think and feel better too.

    Exercise 1: setting self-care goals
    Some self-care strategies are straightforward and easy to use on a daily basis, and others need more practice and attention but are hugely worthwhile.

    Self-care strategies
    There are many strategies that can be helpful when feeling anxious, stressed discomfort, or emotional distress.

    Exercise 2: using self-care strategies
    Having thought about, and hopefully practiced, some of the self-care techniques, think about what you can add to your self-care plan.

    Useful organisations
    Additional, useful organisations if you are concerned about your self-care.

    The importance of sleep
    Most people say that good quality sleep is important to their general sense of well-being.

    Reflection: self-care
    Self-care is an important element in your journey to understanding your risky online behaviour and moving away from it, towards a better future.

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Motivation to change

Identify where you are in your readiness to make changes and take initial steps to change harmful behaviours.

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    The stages of change
    ‘Change’ means different things for different people and each person will have different goals when using this guide.

    Setting goals
    Think about some positive goals that will help you move towards being the person you want to be.

    Short term changes to your concerning thoughts and behaviour
    It can also be useful to make some changes specifically connected to problematic behaviour.

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Recognising and dealing with feelings

The exercises in this module aim to help you get more in tune with your body so that you notice how it is responding in different situations.

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    Recognising and dealing with feelings
    Emotions are the sensations in the body as a result of something that happens to us.

    How thoughts affect feelings
    Our thoughts, values and beliefs all affect how we interpret our emotions.

    Dealing with anger, worry and stress
    The following will help you deal with some common negative emotions but can also be applied to others.

    Reflection: recognising and dealing with feelings
    Reflecting on what you learnt about your feelings and emotions.

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Understanding thoughts, feelings and behaviours

This module aims to help you explore and gain understanding of the interaction between thoughts, feelings and behaviours so you can notice inappropriate sexual fantasies and behaviours.

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    The link between thoughts, feelings and behaviour
    Although sexual behaviour can be influenced by numerous factors, it is not outside of your control.

    Exercise 1: Understanding thoughts, feelings and behaviours
    You need to change the problematic thoughts and feelings which influence your behaviour.

    Exercise 2: Understanding thoughts, feelings and behaviours
    Remember that sexual thoughts, whatever they are, don’t determine behaviour by themselves.

    How thoughts affect feelings
    A sexual fantasy can lead to a physical response in our body and/or a bodily response can trigger a sexual fantasy.

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Managing thoughts, feelings and behaviours

This module helps you to develop strategies to help you deal with difficult thoughts, feelings and behaviours.

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    Management strategies
    Strategies to manage inappropriate thoughts and behaviours.

    Common thinking errors
    How you think about a situation can impact on your ability to successfully address thinking patterns or behaviour.

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Compassionate Self-talk

The conversations you have with yourself can be destructive or beneficial. They influence how you feel about yourself and how you respond to events in your life. This module helps you recognise negative self-talk and change your inner voice.

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    Compassionate Self-talk
    What you say to yourself in your mind is called self-talk.

    Inner critic
    You need to be aware of the nature of your self-talk and be determined to shift any negative thinking to positive.

    Reflection: Compassionate self-talk
    Keep a diary for a week of any negative things you say to yourself.

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Self-esteem and assertiveness

The role self-esteem plays in helping create an offence free life.

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    Self-esteem
    Self-esteem is how we value ourselves; it is how we perceive our value to the world and how valuable we think we are to other people.

    Feeling positive and healthy
    It is also important to feel positive and healthy.

    Learn to be assertive
    People with low self-esteem often struggle to be assertive; this can be because they don’t feel they deserve to be listened to.

    Reflection: self-esteem and assertiveness
    Self-praise is an important part of improving your self-esteem, while it may feel uncomfortable at first.

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Guilt and shame

This module aims to help you recognise if you’re feeling shame and ways you can overcome it so that you can build a positive and offence free life.

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    What are guilt and shame?
    Guilt and shame are often talked about as the same emotions but there are some key differences.

    Exercise: recognising shame
    We can experience and recognise shame in different ways, including physical, emotional and behavioural signs.

    How to deal with shame
    Techniques you can use to manage your feelings of shame.

    Guilt and shame – reflection
    Holding on to shame can affect your ability to move forward positively.

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Problem solving

Problem solving – the process of working through the details of a problem to reach a solution, is a skill which promotes good decision making and encourages confidence and emotional wellbeing.

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    Problem solving
    The process of working through the details of a problem to reach a solution.

    Overcoming obstacles
    Sometimes overcoming obstacles involves thinking outside the box.

    Reflection: problem solving
    Reflect on your confidence level in various areas.

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More self-help topics available

Many people who have engaged in online sexual behaviour involving children believe that there is a ‘grey area’ between what is legal and illegal. There is not.

Concerned about your online behaviour

Self-help, information and support on how to continue moving forward, disclose your offending and build a fulfilling life.

Moving forward

Self-help, information and support for people troubled by their sexual thoughts about children and young people.

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