Self help topic

Concerned about your thoughts or behaviour?

Self-help, information and support for people troubled by their sexual thoughts about children and young people.

Having sexual thoughts about children doesn’t always lead to sexual behaviour. You have the power to choose how you behave and this guide gives you information and tools to manage your thoughts, feelings and actions effectively. By recognising and valuing your positive qualities and behaviour, you’ll be motivated and encouraged to reduce your risk of offending.

This section is based on our experience of working with people who have experienced sexual thoughts about children, incorporating their feedback and suggestions.

You can work through these in order, but there may be ones that feel more important to you that you want to address first. We encourage you to explore all the sections, even if you feel confident in some areas, as you may still find them helpful.

Help with research

We are looking for people who have sexual thoughts or feelings towards their children to fill in a survey. It is anonymous and you will not be asked about your past or present sexual behaviour. The survey will take around 10 minutes to complete.

Participate

Taking responsibility of your sexual behaviour

This module aims to help you explore and gain understanding of immediate changes to help you take control of your behaviour. How you may have used justifications to allow your problematic behaviour(s) to continue.

  • View module chapters

    Making changes
    Change can be hard and take time. It is important that you have strategies to manage your behaviour in the short term whilst you work through the modules.

    Minimising or excusing behaviour
    If you do something that you know is wrong and does not fit with your values and beliefs such as harming a child, then people will often use excuses, justifications or minimise the impact of their behaviour.

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Understanding motivations

This module aims to help you explore and gain understanding of problematic sexual behaviours, motivations, patterns and trends.

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    Motivation
    Sexual behaviour is influenced by your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, values and experiences; however, it is not beyond your control.

    Exercise 1: making your timeline
    In order to understand where your problematic sexual behaviours began, it is helpful to identify what was happening in your life at that time.

    Exercise 2: digging deeper
    To further explore and reflect on your timeline, think about how each point on your timeline made you feel.

    Problematic behaviour
    Although sexual behaviour can be influenced by numerous factors, it is not outside of your control.

    Cognitive distortions
    Cognitive distortions are thinking errors which we use to minimise, justify and excuse behaviours.

    The offence cycle
    A ‘cycle’ consists of a pattern of behaviour where the end leads you back to the beginning and the whole pattern repeats itself over and over again.

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Triggers and warning signs

This module will help you to explore, different types of triggers, your own triggers, potential warning signs of sexual abuse, including grooming and situational and environmental risks.

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    Types of triggers
    ‘Triggers’ are what precede (come before) your thoughts, feelings and behaviours, and can cause emotional and behavioural responses.

    Warning signs
    Warning signs are the things that alert us and other people that something is wrong or that there this a potential danger or hazard.

    Triggers: situational and environmental risks
    Situations can provide the ingredients for a chain of unhealthy behaviours and trigger the offence cycle.

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Problem of immediate gratification

This module aims to help you explore and gain understanding of:

  • why immediate gratification is so powerful
  • how to manage the desire of immediate gratification
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    Immediate gratification
    Understand why you prioritised your immediate needs despite the consequences

    What can you do?
    One way to counter the power of instant gratification is to think about how you will feel if you do the behaviour, compared to how you feel if you don’t

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Fantasies

This module will help you explore and understand your current sexual and non-sexual fantasies, and the link between your fantasies and your online behaviour.

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    Fantasies
    In this section, when we are talking about ‘sexual fantasy’, we are referring to something that is imagined which you find sexually arousing

    Appropriate versus inappropriate fantasy
    So what are appropriate and inappropriate fantasies? We split inappropriate fantasies into three sections.

    Exercise: appropriate versus inappropriate fantasy
    Have you recently had a fantasy about a child? If you have, then without thinking about it in too much detail, work through these questions one at a time and see if these help you think about your fantasies differently.

    Exercise: when fantasy becomes a problem
    A good starting point in considering if your fantasies are problematic is to look at your fantasies in more detail.

    Fantasy and adult pornography
    So what are appropriate and inappropriate fantasies? We split inappropriate fantasies into three sections.

    Exercise: a fantasy management technique
    Many individuals use fantasy management techniques to help stop having these harmful sexual fantasies.

Visit the UK Module

Living with unusual sexual interests

This section is designed to help you explain terminology around unusual sexual interests (paraphilias) and learn how to lead a healthy life with these interests.

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    Terminology
    A paraphilia involves persistent sexual arousal toward something seen as unusual or outside the norm. This can vary over time, place, and culture.

    Exploring your sexual interest
    A person can have different sexual interests that include a wide range of preferences, but there might be one group that holds the strongest appeal.

    Practice self compassion
    Living with a sexual interest in children has challenges.

    Make a promise to yourself
    If you find yourself struggling with a sexual interest or preference for children, you may have encountered challenges along this journey.

Visit the UK Module

More self-help topics available

Self-help, information and support on how to continue moving forward, disclose your offending and build a fulfilling life.

Moving forward

These sections will help you learn healthy ways to communicate, express yourself and challenge negative self-talk to improve your self-esteem.

Wellbeing and self-care

Many people who have engaged in online sexual behaviour involving children believe that there is a ‘grey area’ between what is legal and illegal. There is not.

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